Trust issues?

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Crepuscular rays in the steam from a hot spring. Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming (USA).

Good morning, beloved,

The quiet of the early morning, this morning there are no birds around to break the quiet.  However there are always cars, and trains and motorcycles and trucks to shake up. This morning I strained to understand what God was showing me in His Word. The Bible study was not igniting a passion to study. A passion to connect with the questions asked of me. I closed the book not understanding and not connecting with where the author was taking me.

You see, I prefer to dig into the Word and nose around. Glean, connect other stuff for little ol’ me. Yet, if I am real here, I think the questions hit very close to home. I connected WAY too much with what the author was asking.

To delve into places in my heart that I prefer to keep shut, to open the floodgates..the Spirit is alive and active this morning. It is uncomfortable. And most likely, I need to truly hear where He is guiding me to look with eyes to see.

You see, I want to trust God. I cry out and ask for help to trust God. However, I am resembling a two-year old that shares her toy but then wants it back two seconds later. I give God my stuff, but when the bills keep coming, the car is breaking down, the health of the body is shaky..I run to find answers. Who can help us? When is that check coming? Should we take a loan? I begin my planning. Why? At the heart of it all, I believe this is all our fault and God is up watching me and shaking His head in disbelief.

Good mercies! Where can I find that truth in the Bible? Um, nowhere. There is no verse in the Bible that says God helps those who help themselves. Have I sinned? Have I done things to get me to this place? I suppose sin blackens. Yet, the sin that captures my heart now? I have trust issues.

Why? I look back. I see what our family has walked through and I think..I pray for this, it didn’t happen. I pray for this, nothing happened. Those are the thoughts in my head. I confess that. I dive into the mire and muck around, throwing sludge all over me. My fault, God won’t help this, shame, whatever the terms…I rub the sludge all over me. And I forget. I can’t see…until..

Psalm 40: 2 He drew me up out of a horrible pit [a pit of tumult and of destruction], out of the miry clay (froth and slime), and set my feet upon a rock, steadying my steps and establishing my goings.

The Lord comes in, right now, and says:

2 Corinthians 6:2  For He says, In the time of favor (of an assured welcome) I have listened to and heeded your call, and I have helped you on the day of deliverance (the day of salvation). Behold, now is truly the time for a gracious welcome and acceptance [of you from God]; behold, now is the day of salvation!

The “Rosenmühle” with mist and fog in the evening. The “Rosenmühle” on the river “Haller” is a former water mill in Adensen, Nordstemmen, Lower Saxony, Germany. by Michael Gäbler

I am welcomed. Now. I am assured a welcome like no other. God listens when we call. God is always responding. God is always speaking. We need to be listening. I need to clothe myself with truth. For God is the one who has kept us warm. God is the one who keeps the lights on. God is the one who feeds us. God is the rock. God is the steadying grip on my shoulders.

Isaiah 2:22 Cease to trust in [weak, frail, and dying] man, whose breath is in his nostrils [for so short a time]; in what sense can he be counted as having intrinsic worth?

God has provided over, and over, and over again. So Satan, enough of your stupid lies. I know the truth and that sets me free. I am free indeed. For I have the God of Angel Armies and He is always, always, always by my side.

Pray on. Pray on.

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